Sing it, sister.
Or brother. We had a lot of success singing conversations. We sing the question, and she would sing back in return. Our home became the world’s most mundane opera house:
“Do you want some milk on your cereal? Yes or no? Yes or no?”
“No, no, no, no, no,no! No thank you.”
Need help with this concept? Go get yourself a “Wonder Pets” DVD.
Talk to the invisible man
Speaking directly to her was a little intimidating and often initiated the shut down sequence. But it was very obvious that she was listening to our conversations and understanding us – as long as we weren’t getting in her face about it.
Unfortunately, we were often alone, so I had to begin carrying on casual conversations with an invisible man perched on the couch:
“I was thinking we would go to the park and run around, as soon as Quinn gets her pink shoes that are under the table,” I would suggest to a pile of throw pillows.
Asking her to get the shoes, or suggesting a trip to the park would have been futile. But if she’s eavesdropping, then it’s all OK – she grabs the shoes and runs to the door.
Signing
Signing was huge for us. I think the pure action, doing something physical, was part of it, but knowing her I think it was also a way to throw a bone to one part of her brain to keep it busy so the speech part could focus on the words. Her FIRST first word at ten months was “ball,” her SECOND first word, with the sign, a year later, was “flower.”
I would picture her brain that way – every nerve jumping for attention so she couldn’t sort out the messages. So, let’s find something to keep these guys busy and these guys busy to this group of nerves can get their work done.
Talk while you jump, talk while you draw, talk while you throw pea gravel into a kiddie pool. Talk while you mash play dough and talk while you swing.
Just don’t talk while you’re just talking. Too much!
Yes or no
End questions with yes or no. Giving two choices narrows the scope, makes it concrete and lets them focus. “Do you want juice, yes or no?”
Fill in the Blank
After we got “yes or no” down, we started running conversations like a giant Mad Lib.
“Quinn is hungry. Quinn will eat a ……” And letting her fill in the blank.
We also used it to challenge her, without the direct pressure of a question:
“Rainbow is a cat. Sophie is a….” Dog.
“We are driving to the store. We will ride in the….” Car.
This was also a good way to ease her into some humor. If she gave some random answer, we would play it out until we got a smile.
“Quinn will eat a….” Ball.
Get a ball, put it on a plate, grab two spoons. “Ok! Let’s eat this ball! Yum yum yum!”
“No. No. Fish.”
“Well, I can’t believe you would want to eat Goldfish Crackers instead of this delicious ball, but OK.”
Kick the “OK?” habit
Parents like to feel like they are giving kids options. But kids – ASD kids, any kids – don’t want you to offer a choice if there isn’t one there.
If you tell them to do something, just tell them. When you tack, “OK?” on the end, they are wondering what the other option is, and they freeze.
“Get in your big chair” not “Get in your chair, OK?”
“Stop running,” not “Stop running, OK?”
Don’t jam up the brain with extra options. And don’t be all surprised when they keep running, or don’t get in the chair, if you make the action contingent on their approval.
Other people won’t know the language
Your family will learn the best way to arrange words to get the best results.
When people outside your family speak to your child, you will find yourself re-stating their sentences in the correct word order – especially questions.
I didn’t really realize this until we went to a screening after Quinn had started becoming verbal. I was getting really frustrated with the screeners, because they were asking the questions wrong. the words were in the wrong order, they were saying her name at the end of the sentence, which was like hitting a reset button and erasing the rest of the question. Sometimes I jumped in and translated, other times I had to tell myself that part of the screening proccess is measuring how much she understands when it isn’t specifically worded for her specific brain.
It’s frustrating.
Did you find an out-of-the-box way to communicate with your kid? Share it with other parents.
I’ll put them on this page!
talksmall@talksmallforkids.com
